My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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