He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
