Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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