Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
