I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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