After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
