he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
FUCK WHALES
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