I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
