pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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