you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
