I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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