I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
