I accidentally burped into my bong.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
