Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
