i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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