I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
