I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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