We're like a lot better than the average bears
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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