My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
