I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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