i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
