i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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