We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
