At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
