if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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