You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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