help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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