the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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