That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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