yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize