oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
