Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
that may or may not have been my penis.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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