Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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