Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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