Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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