Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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