We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
two words...techno handjob
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
