I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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