dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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