Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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