Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize