i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
