my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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