My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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