I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You can't just leave with hair like that
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
