In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
