Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
