I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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