I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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