So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
