Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
