I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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