Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize