I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
