So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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