Your face is a jimmy john
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this boner is exhausting
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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