its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
