The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
