You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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