Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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