So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
