i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my being single is dangerous.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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