Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
