So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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