I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
