Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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