y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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