somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
