I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
