All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
