he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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