I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
