guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize