Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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