I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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