So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
