The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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