Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
