just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize