wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
