Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
