I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
