Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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