Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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