wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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