omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Congratulations! We have a period
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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