i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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