Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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