the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
