doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
