I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize