I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My cat gives me a boner
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
