Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
