i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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