do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
