At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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