Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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