i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
