just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
