I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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