No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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