I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
