How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
