wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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