I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
