I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
