Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
